Two One Double Zero Speaks

For a change, this time the blogger lets me speak, maybe because his friends and co workers are circumspect about having a conversation with him and he has ran out of topics. He shamelessly publishes all that he hears and speaks in his blog, perhaps, as he has written, it’s his way of celebrating life and the best impressions of life reach him when he is with his friends…But its necessary sometimes, to look at you through someone else’s eyes to know more about yourself!

Usually, we mobiles never speak….or never get a chance to speak…even though lot is being spoken through us…we have always remained silent…. talkatively silent, I would say! I am the blogger’s mobile or ex-mobile, now…I have been with my owner for the last 4 years…and I have seen life unfolding in and around me, not only my owners life but many lives….I have witnessed different shades and seasons of life…

Before I came to the owners hand I was jailed for almost a year without any address….the owner’s mom felt that he should clear all his arrears and then only he is worthy enough to own me…it was the most distinguished honour I ever got ! but I don’t think I deserved it…after 1 year of sentence I was set free and I met my owner…perhaps his mother realized that the owner wont be using me for another 4 years if he was to clear all his arrears…and by that time I will be nearing retirement, she was right though! And hence I got the 10 numeral address in 2005 and the owner began feeding me with charge. It was his final year at college and knowing my owners character I thought I wouldn’t have to work so much…but I was wrong!

I was late by 1 year for launch and slightly old fashioned then itself, but the owner never treated me like that, he was as excited to see me as he was seeing some show stopper…even though I don’t sing and wink, he never felt it as a limitation. What matters is, how well one uses what is available and my owner was good at it, even if he wasn’t at times, he was smart enough to know the ones who knew how to make use of the available resources….

Pardon me if I am causing confusion or if I sound a bit gizmo, I am quite unaware of the way how you humans appreciate literature, all I got to see these 4 years was texting which never really needs grammar or spelling, but I have also come across messages which were poems sometimes, anger sometimes, laughter sometimes, disappointment sometimes, break up sometimes, relief sometimes and love sometimes. I have seen the blush, the shyness and the skip of heart beat occasionally.

There were few among us , the 36 24 36 models who could sing for hours on end and wink on the click on a G spot and then the impressions in front will be imprinted on their brain and sometimes in the respective owner’s heart…but they never gave me any competition ! Strange it would sound, but it was because of the person my owner was and the kind of friends he had.

During final year he used to recharge the sim as you would say, or feed my brain I would say, regularly but then he had no one but his mom and dad to call…so initially I had not much of work but then the owner was too much involved in his friends’ matters and he used to do conditional feeding or, offer recharges in your lingo and give me away to his friends and that’s when I came across life unfolding in different colours. I was colour blind but I could feel this irony called life, that you humans think is the ultimate truth, unfolding through me as messages and conversations and songs and abuses and smileys….

The owner’s roomie at the hostel used me more than the owner, but I never got to hear any romance in his calls and his messages weren’t particularly flowery either…

I got to knew that this roomie has had his time when I was still in prison…and now he is kind of retired or taken time off, that’s why the romance part was absent…

This roomie was known to be a charmer, chick-charmer as we mobiles say. If I had arrived earlier may be I would have been of help but it was a quadrilateral, I wont say a love quadrilateral, perhaps a quadrilateral of misunderstandings between friends…even though the angle of inclination was more between roomie and the girl, roomie deliberately disassociated himself from the quadrilateral…but he was hurt badly…and so was the girl…

These humans, when they follow their hearts they hardly listen to their brain and when these hearts get hurt, it gets so afraid that it never dares to manipulate the human again, its so afraid of getting hurt again…and the brain takes over and heart stops wishing again, it keeps suppressing the desires, its so insecure and this causes immense suffering in the human that owns this heart…

Thank god we mobiles don’t have a heart to listen to…these humans, even though they appear strong and intelligent outside, when it comes to the matter of their hearts, how fragile they become!

I got to hear the roomie’s story from messages and conversations between him and his female friend. When the heart gets hurt, the brain finds new pastures for the humans to go about! But the heart doesn’t get involved easily in such cases or never gets involved in some cases. The heart and brain do have their clashes of ego. How strange! The way we mobiles and Sims work in harmony, it will be a fact to envy at for you humans!

At night, owners another friend used to take me away…and then I will have to bear the scent of cigarette and at times that of vodka and rum…I hate it actually, but we always remain silent, culpably silent I would say this time. But I won’t blame him, the girl he thought to be his had another boyfriend. His romance was one sided and never really took off. But thank god, both of them were more interested in talking than texting…what you guys call the keypad, had started to wear out and my owner kept replacing the case with a new one…how ridiculous! When you humans face this wear and tear, that’s what you do?

The owner never really got any, so called, interest generating messages…usually Airtel sent him messages asking him to fill money…and he used to do it, more often than not for his friends…he is a useless idiot, I would say, when it comes to his matters… always angry and never really bothers to understand girls or the delicacies and vagaries associated with their mind… and hence Airtel sends him more messages than anyone else…

Even after the unsuccessful one sided story I never really experienced rest…there were other takers with two sided stories to tell…

Even though this guy had a mobile of his own, he used to come to my owner and borrow me for a day or two at times for the free offers! He as well as his mobile was spoiled effluent brats.

Theirs was a 2 sided romance, that’s were I learned a good amount of literature from! but later I got to hear from owner and his other friends’ messages that it didn’t last long… after college this friend was so confused as to how to take this romance further and abandoned her …

And he was smart enough to find solace in fag and booze and brave enough to put the blame on her and escape from himself! Escapisms, the strangest of them would be escaping from oneself!

He didn’t abandon his mobile though, sometimes we are more fortunate…fortunate than few of those humans around…

Towards the end of his final year the owner used to insert different sims on me, thank god we are immune to many of those diseases unlike humans! And there were takers for all these Sims. One of his close friends had a story going on, which was part romance part time pass, stretching into the late nights, when I used to bathe in the moonlight and shiver in the December mist…He used to use a different sim for a different miss !

And then there was this girl who used to take liberties to finish the offer recharges in one day and also trespass into the talktime of the owner! She was so genuine and the owner never said no to her liberties only because of the genuineness she showed towards her romance, but the guy on the other end wasn’t genuine, perhaps it was his own talktime that he was using! Later I got to hear that, this story too ended without any trumpets being blown.

My owner has had many telephonic interviews which I have been through, and he used to screw all of them and used to put the blame on me and the sim….Guys are all alike when it comes to escapisms!

And now I have been plutoed and the owner has one of those sexy models which can sing and wink but he doesn’t have anyone now to send messages or to focus at to wink! Airtel is back to fill his inbox again, Cinderella becomes Cinderella again! That’s the irony that the owner’s life has been all along…now I have reached older fingers. Half of the day I am anesthetized, or switched off in your slang. My case doesn’t get hurt any longer.

I don’t have any stories that ended well to tell, perhaps I am cursed, I hope the new model will script many stories of success, if not for others atleast for the owner, because I always had more stories to tell about others than his.

Few days back he had caused the greatest insult that I have been through and then I knew the time has come to leave these fingers…it was not an insult actually he was just being factual. When one of his friends took me and checked me out, he whispered that this damn thing that I am, is not worthy to be shown to friends, not fit to be displayed among those sleek chicks which his friends possessed…perhaps he didn’t mean to say it, that’s why he whispered ! I am hopeful that the new mobile and its features will help him to shift his focus away from the recent break up he has had. The mind creates such self made elbow crutches to walk without limping…….

There are few stories about the owner worth scripting but I don’t want to share them here, this is my space and I am more or less like him, doesn’t like to play our own music!

But what is a mobiles story with out few quotes and unquotes, to say the least…..?

Vinod: Dood…. How you doing?

“Hey, whats up…I am...…crawling back to life.”

Vinod: Dood….I know how it feels, break up is not easy to deal with, but it’s not impossible to deal with.

“It appears nothing short of impossible now”

Vinod: Anyways, I rang to tell you something else, Our Alex’s dad just passed away. Cardiac Arrest.

“Oh, that’s shocking. Only yesterday, I had talked to Alex and he was sounding perfectly happy. Unexpected”

Vinod: Dood…we need to go, he needs us now

“Yes, yes…I understand, I am ok, I will start in the late night train, see you at his home, be there before the cremation.”

And he went to see Alex and his late Father. When compared to this adversity, his break up doesn’t appear an adversity at all. A bigger crisis always helps you to see through smaller ones…To make a line in the black board look smaller the best way is to draw a bigger line next to it! Perhaps, my owner was benefited by the tragedy at his friend’s home!

Few days later…

“Dood….I now have a new mobile “

Vinod: What did u do with the old one? Donated to some museum?

“Yeah, donated it to something as old as a museum! Dood, as you know, I am emotionally attached to it, not me alone, all those who have used it for atleast 2 days are not going to forget it! The 2100 was like my sibling for the last 4 years, for how many stories it has been the silent partner! I can’t just give it away like that, my mom is using it now. After 4 years, the vibrator won’t shiver It as it used to! “

Sania Mania.

Time: The Winter of 2002

Place: Men's Hostel A block, top floor, Room No.319

Characters:

PP: Cant reveal the full form of this acronym due to profanity related reasons...I can’t be sure whether kids are reading this with their parents or alone, so can’t recommend parental discretion and hence PP will remain PP...Rahul Dravid is like an unofficial father to PP, PP loves everything about the Wall, (Rahul Dravid-The Wall as he is popularly known...) PP knows everything about the Wall...every record the Wall holds, every match the Wall has played....where does he goes to shop, when he got married, when did his wife conceive...PP is a Wall database! 

Jeff: The one who hails from Fort Kochi, the same place from where Bilal John Kurishingal (the most stylish gunda Malayalam cinema has ever produced, Fort Kochi is a popular breeding ground of gundas) hails... that would tell you something about Jeff.

But the only visible similarity between the two is that both don't bath...invisible similarities couldn't be ruled out though, but since it was just the first week at hostel, none of us had seen each other in that detail and even though half of the bathrooms didn’t had  doors, me and PP would goto bath in the same time and that too during power cuts (thanks to the govt.of kerala, their unending support and encouragement in the field of higher education has many facets, the power cut they provide at night so that people can use the doorless bathrooms in Mens Hostels is just a humble example. And in ladies hostel, we never really got a chance to get that deeper into the LH, we fervently hoped that the govt. was impartial in its unending support in the case of doors!) at night and in the morning when the sun was still under those hills in the east...and as I said we never saw Jeff going to the bathroom...maybe, it will take time !

The New comer:  who was 3 weeks late to join the hostel fearing ragging, but ragging was in his destiny! He is a die hard fan of VVS Laxman, and not so fond of Rahul Dravid or-The Award Movie as he is infamously known!

'Sania Mania' is the new comer's version...

I was waiting for the college bus in front of MH... college was 15 minutes away by foot, so we had to be taken in the bus, as there were too many enticements in the way to college in the form of cinemas and eateries and Ladies Hostel, there was every chance that boys wont reach college in 15 minutes, or wont reach college at all in some days! And hence the bus service...

As I was waiting and it was my first day at the hostel, I hardly knew anyone...all new faces...cant distinguish first years from 2nd years and in some cases even from those nerds among final years....nerds never had the history of looks that suited their class, its the same in engineering college as well...All I have heard was to keep away from something called Bruson Harold...yes, his names itself symbolized terror...

The wait for the bus continues, he saw me standing alone, and he appeared to be little older than me, he approached me and smiled...I didn’t smile back, maybe because I was too frightened and smiling back at a senior was against status quo...

I asked him, "S1 S2?”

"Yes" he replied

I was relieved, it was kind of a feeling that occurs when a mallu finds another mallu in Punjab.

"Me, CS and you?”

"Royal Mechs" he replied

Mechanical Engineering fellows had this rare privilege of adding the word Royal as prefix even though they couldn't claim any lineage of that kind...infact the machines in their labs looked so royal that you start suspecting whether the king ruled Uganda or Zimbabwe? 

"Did you get any ragging yet? I couldn't resist asking.

"No one caught me yet" he replied lowering his voice

"Beware of this guy called Bruson, Bruson Harold, he is the most dangerous one among seniors”   I wanted him to be afraid as well. The mallu in Punjab would obviously warn the other one about the Pakistan which is near by!

"I have also heard about that bugger, will be careful...you have not seen him yet, right?" he asked.

"Yes, I have not seen him yet...have heard that he will rag first years from dusk to dawn"

"Not exactly dusk, from midnight to dawn, maybe...that’s what I heard” he replied

A shiver ran through my spine...But how does this guy know all this? By that time the bus came and my roomies also came running and sat next to me in the bus

PP: "what were you talking to him?”

Jeff: "How did you get the courage to talk to him???"

New Comer: "Why?  What happened?  He is 1&2 Mech. We were talking about Bruson and how to keep away from him, you guys only told me to be careful of Bruson..."

"Oh, yes but we forgot to tell you how Bruson looks, our mistake" they replied in unison.

New Comer: "Oh, common, I was just warning him to keep away from Bruson..."

PP: "He wouldn't worry about that..."

New comer: "Why?”

Jeff: "Because Bruson doesn't have to be afraid of himself unless he has got some psychological problem!"

New Comer: "Now, what does it mean? Tell me before I get some psychological problem..."

PP: “He is not 1&2 Mech, he was, 3 years back!”

Jeff: "You were talking to Bruson himself"...and Jeff laughed as if he was watching some Mr. Bean movie....

New comer: "I guess, then my problem won’t be psychological alone, it will be physiological as well..."

PP: “and it can get financial as well!”

Jesus...save my soul...what would I do now, go back home and not come back to hostel for...few weeks, maybe? Run away from college? not possible, dad will start ragging me if I do something like that...what to do ?...But why am I calling Jesus when we have countless number of similar ones in our repertoire itself...maybe because the Satan is appearing in the form of Bruson and Bruson Harold doesn't sound Buddhist or Brahmin...!

At college there was this meeting for freshers and few of the parents were also present...the leader of the anti ragging squad- this guy from S7 Civil, who looked anemic as if he had AIDS and was atleast a semester late for haircut, gave a lengthy and hair raising lecture about the activities of antiragging squad, the proud students union, activities of the non existent placement cell etc....

Apparently, freshers should learn to look beyond the hair and concentrate during such hair raising lectures so that they wont get distracted from the main idea the orator is trying to convey, also they should gain courage and return back to hostel after class...I said to myself.

In my room at the hostel I was expecting nightmare long before nightfall but nothing happened that night...no signs of the bloodsucking bruson, only his cousins were at work consuming our blood ...yes, there was no dearth of mosquitoes in our room...

The next day, post midnight we went through the ragging drills for 2 hours, and would you believe it, it was the same anemic-antiragging-orator who ragged us! Height of irony! Maybe this was to give us some idea of what lied ahead or what lied beneath, rather. Yes, the floor below had 35 rooms full of seniors!!! 

The next evening...

As every room in the hostel, ours also had four walls...two had shelves to keep our text books and luggages... ofcourse, texts were non existent in S1S2...the third wall was reserved for God , calendar , timetables and spiders which spun their webs in the photos of God. As God himself kept on weaving a web in our lives...we didn’t really restrict the spiders from doing their job...its Men's hostel of a Government college in Northern Kerala, let socialism prevail!

But now, it seems only chaos is gona prevail...in the remaining wall, PP wants to paste Rahul Dravid...The Wall should cover our wall....PP had a few kilos of The Wall's posters, he himself weighed only a few kilos more! and I wouldn't allow The Wall to cover the wall...I want VVS to dominate the wall like he dominates the bowlers in the field...The posters of the 281 by Laxman at the Eden Gardens, that alone was necessary for me to counter the Wall and his non biological son...so this verbal duel was going on between me and PP and suddenly Jeff signaled danger...

"What, is it the warden or princi?" PP asked.

But, then it shouldn't be a danger sign, it should be a sign of surprise! The warden, ever since he was given that post, made it a point to keep away from not only the hostel but from the very panchayat in which the hostel stood...if principal had to visit us then it would be part of some punishment meted out to him by higher authorities...

Jeff: "No, Bruson has come for some clarifications"

PP: "now the Gods in the other wall alone will save you"

And my feelings then...are beyond words.

Bruson came and started with an appetizer...it was the usual stuff, sitting in an imaginary chair for 15 , 20 minutes but he was kind enough to make PP and Jeff do the same along with me...time crawled like a snail....suddenly we heard a knock in the door....who is it? some god-sent angel to save us?...it happened to be the younger brother of Satan called Sahadevan, perhaps this is the season of satans and gods were suffering from loose motion like us(that was something the hostel mess offered for free. perhaps, things had to happen fast inside the toilets until the freshers got used to the toilets and the fragrance that emanated ...the hostel mess ,the toilets, the seniors, the gods...they were all part of a chain which worked in unison ! )...soon bruson was relieved of his serving-appetizer duties and it was time for the 5 course dinner...I cant mention the name of all the dishes that were  served in the dinner...however, we were made to... read news papers in the tune of some malayalam melody, demonstrate how hanuman would cross M.G. Road, Jeff was made vishwamitran with the drafter as the instrument to rest his hand and pp was made menaka and made to dance around viswamitran...but menaka failed miserably this time....perhaps a more seductive one was necessary to entice this viswamitran, we were made to piss on a steel glass which was given an electric charge of 2 Volts. As per theory saline water is good conductor of electricity, that night we experienced how good a conductor it was. Even Faraday wouldn't have dreamt of such creative use of electricity! The dinner went on till early morning with few more unmentionables and then bruson was back to serve the dessert...I had to get him 2 packets of Wills from the road side eatery that was open all night and then finish a 20 page assignment for him by Sun rise...oh, this was the financial problem that came after the psychological and physiological ones that PP was mentioning !

PP and Jeff utilized that time to finalise bilateral talks on the partition of the wall... and we finally decided to kick Dravid and Laxman out of the room...and let her come in....the wall was fortunate enough to house her in all known poses...playing and non playing poses. Wow!!! Dravid and Laxman could never have entertained us in such a dimension! She was Sania Mirza...and we named it Sania Mania.

She came, She saw...

....but She left before she conquered...! Or fate or destiny, whatever that means, separated us...separated us for the good, I would love to believe... This time the blogger is telling about a month in my life and I am Vinay...the blogger's new classmate...friends call me Vinu, enemies call me everything else other than Vinu!

Now you might be wondering , what will happen in a month and why is this month so important...trust me, so much can happen in 1 week...a month’s story might be too big for a post in his blog!

Let me take over from Vinay at this point for a moment

(Don’t wonder, I am the so called blogger or Writer, if you are too nice a reader!) for the usual ablutions that I do before every post. What to do, iyers and rituals are like Kamal Haasan movies and kisses, both are complementary! What for I am giving a preface here? last time my readers could be counted in a single hand and this time, a single finger ? (avoid the central finger please!)

Recession is having its impact, even in the World Wide Web! Thank god they dont charge anything for the blog space...if that was the case then beforeandafterfullstop would have met the fate of Lehman Brothers...(now, before and after...what ? FYI, thats the URL of my blog.)

I will spare the readers of a disclaimer, even though I would like to add, this is a work of real-life-inspired fiction....if you find resemblances to vocabulary or phrases
in Chetan Baghat books then it might be because he gets into my nerves at times (I mean, in the literary aspect).

I dedicate this post to my friend who I met 2 months back and changed my life forever…

Vinay Takes over

It’s the day the class began and as I had nothing else to do I have come an hour early! Yes, punctuality is the virtue of the jobless! Hardly 8 in the class, 5 girls and 3 boys (glad to note that... there are few others who are also jobless)...this happens to be the coaching class for bank tests and not the IIM Calicut..so girls are supposed to outnumber boys hands down...and which provides a prospective chance for boys like me who are good at Maths to be sought after by the girls to solve brain teasers..Its not a bad deal...let me scan the chicks then!

The girls, they all were clustered around 2 benches...”why do you have to crowd yourself like this, come and sit with us no?” Yes, trust me, this was what the 3 boys were thinking.

There was this girl with fairly long hair and half a litre coconut oil applied to it and a few tulsi leaves squeezed in between her hair, typical of this part of the world...she looks good.

blogger's intervention again...pardon me for the details about geographical features and cultural significances of the place where the story is unfolding, those are necessary, you know why? ...because I have world wide audience! sorry, world wide readers.

Back to Vinay again

The retina is scanning the next prospect, not so interesting, the next one, even worse...the next one, retina got numbed as if lightening had struck eyes directly...appears to a bit dramatic, I mean the language!

Yes, I was witnessing beauty in its best form...She had waist long hair, skin as fair as that of the model in the soap adds. A congruent face with naughty eyes, shiny white teeth (no, she didn’t smile. I saw it when she opened her mouth to drink water!) perfect features altogether, and her face was so beautiful that my brain lost control of my eyes , they got transfixed...but she is hardly looking at me...I am not that bad a guy in terms of looks and will easily outshine the other two males in the room...but, she is staring at the ceiling, the walls, the black board, the calendar but not at me...oh, seems to be a bit jaada type ? the raised eyebrow of my right eye asked me. (Kindly excuse the slang, there is no perfect word in English to express jaada, because jaada itself is an expression!)

Okay eye candy, will catch you later for sure...

Madam came and gave 1 hour of that welcome-speech-in-IIT kind of lecture describing the nature of the exam, syllabus, institution, course material, discipline that the students had to observe while they are here to study and about the importance of workout session in the after noon... by that time the class had grown in strength, all new faces and few interesting faces as well! but none as interesting as the eyeball-transfixer ! Okay this is going to be an interesting ride of 3 months Vinu... (Yes I call my self Vinu, as well).

On the first day there was only this lecture, by the time it ended the class had grown to 20, with few more boys and many more girls…each one had to introduce in front of the class at the end of session….

First one was this girl with specs which would have had a power of +8 (trade mark of a nerd, yeah! it’s the same across the world)!

I am Sapna, Blah Blah Blah

I am Ashwathi, blah blah (it was our half-litre-oil girl)

Few others also gave their intro….

And here comes the show stopper  , I was all ears….I am Amruth, Amruth Warrier(I am what ? come again please) done my b.tech in Computer science and I am in search of a bank job, that’s why I am here , the best coaching center in the city which assures a bank job (that’s why everyone is here, atleast for now ! I saw madam’s eyes grow bigger out of the impression which she had created by mentioning the quality of the institute, she is clever!)

I noticed it when she smiled, she has got dimples! My word, this girl is gona spoil my sleep….

After a few….Shyam, Sajith, Nikhil….came my turn… I have done this kind of intro countless number of times and I am quite fluent in English, so this is no big deal… but I was looking at her dimples…and that was a big deal!

I am B.tech, coming from vadakara…. but why was the class in splits? All want to show me their dimples or what? Oh shit!

I am sorry , I was thinking of something else, I am Vinay , done my b.tech in IT and I hail from Vadakara, it’s a pleasure to be here and meet you all (literally!)

And one more conclusion that followed was- Kerala has more number of B.tech graduates than the number of coconuts, yes, its official now!

The classes were thrice a week from 10 in the morning to 1.30 in the noon and then work out sessions from 2 to 5, which, practically everyone bunked. One week later, the class now has 42 future bank employees. The classes are going smooth, but my mind is not, its going like those KSRTC buses in our roads, turbulent! And the reason is Ms. Dimples.

Now we know something about each other, friends call her Ammu and her name is a result of some inspiration from the North…. And she is the main reason why I sit for workout in the afternoons…of course, we boys Shyam, Sajith ,Nikhil and me solve problems in maths. As you guessed, I was the best in maths so, I had a reason to stay there- to help them and help my self with some visual ecstasy!

Soon I had her mobile number…and we began messaging, I have done it before with few other girls…but, it seems, this kind of large scale messaging was something new to her… She happens to be quite friendly…not the jaada type which I thought initially…

They soon became friends, quite intimate friends… The key pads of the prehistoric 2100 of Vinay and the 3825 of Amruth were working over time and getting exhausted…messages were quite intense….she was quite surprised and happy about the fact that this guy has become such a nice friend over a weeks time!

They had their first date at the Baskin Robins in the mall…the ice creams melted slowly….her eyes, her lips, her dimples, her long hair, her killer smile….all these kept consuming Vinay as he himself was consuming the Cornetto…she was talking non stop….and then suddenly they saw their classmate checking out some books in the adjoining book stall…

Oh God! What will he think, we are out on date ? and if this reaches the class then I won’t speak to you anymore !  She warned me

Excuse me…aren’t we out on date? and why do we have to brief him about all this…relax Ammu he won’t see us  I replied.

Shut up Vinu, I came to have some icecream in the AC because of the heat outside and not on a date with you. Call him anyways and offer him a chair so that he doesn’t get anything wrong about us….  She was quick to point.

Madam, I only have 2 Gandhis (official name of 100 rupee notes in this part of the world) smiling in my pocket and they don’t accept cards here , in anycase I haven’t taken any cards with me now, if mr.booksearcher accepts the chair and finishes  few strawberries then I will be serving in the next table once you leave. I had to tell her the truth about my financial capabilities for the evening, financial incapabilities, infact.

I don’t mind it Vinu, in that case I will leave with him for a movie and will return by the time you have served enough to settle the bill… She shrugged her shoulders.

Mr.booksearcher indeed spotted us and I offered him the chair with all the courtesy in this world that he would have suspected that the chair had a broken leg and I wanted him to fall down on sitting in it…he was wise enough to decline the offer and leave…

You are not going with him to the movie ? I asked ms.naughty eyes

I would have, but I want one more icecream. Came the reply. The dimples, deeper this time with that mischievous smile of hers…(No wonder I have started to love you Ammu, I thought)

lot of those love story movies have started to make sense all of a sudden !

Days passed, coaching class is half way through, and as I had guessed, maths brought me many admirers…I was quite famous in the class and among the teachers as well. Mr.booksearcher had a shattered sort of look ever since that day, did I break a heart there? Ammu had got into my nerves long back, now I missed her like anything on the days we didn’t had class, I fealt possessive when other boys went and sat with her and talked and laughed, yes I admit, she was the eye candy irrespective of which ever eye was looking at her but love and possessiveness are first cousins.

First love is so pure, it will change you, you always strive to be a better person than what you are, someone who is more deserving to your partner....you tend to cross the Rubicon when you fall in love, not once but many times !

Messages continued to flow, after 10 years I was writing poems!

I want to feel your breath as long as I breathe

I want to own your dimples as long as I live,

I want to put my hands around you

and watch the sun drowns itself in the blue,

When the locks of your hair brushing my face

While the evening breeze kissing our gaze,

And tell the enchanting sea,
that she is the one who completes me! 

And the replies that followed were not exactly poems.

SMS lingo had its own charm though!

Idiot…r u nutts ? u crzy frog :-( wer did u steal these 4m ? stop it Vinu, I am feelng awkwrd to read dose.u r crazy :P.

So, wn did I promis u dat I ‘ll make u feel gud alwys? Atleast show sme rspct to d literature, its original. I said

Shut up stupid…. :D

Texting continued even between Mock tests held in class

Hey, my idiot, choo cheriuosss? :P

The vibrator made me lift my head which was immersed in the Quants paper

Ammu! Mock test is gng on! wl u pls xcus me for 2 hours I couldn’t but reply

I c fumes 4m ur head, dnt be ths focusd, sit idle :P But she was not to leave me like that.

Cme nd pour sme watr in my head dn, u wnt alow me to top d clas, wil u? I asked

If u becme toper dn more gals r gona line up to get sums dne, I dnt wnt dat :( She had a genuine excuse there

Getng posesiv ms.chubby cheeks? I couldn’t resist asking

Y? only u guys cn b posesiv o wat, get on wth d papr nw, u sweet idiot :P Was her reply

Bottom line is - Girls use words like stupid, idiot, shut up, nutts when they appreciate something and want to hide it from others!

Airtel and Idea-our respective service providers were also having the time of their lives ! We alone would recharge for 3 figures every week plus the free messages meant our handsets also never experienced rest!

I was having the time of my life, not quite sure about her though, I thought its time I found it out…

That evening there was none in the class other than me and Ammu. I was sitting next to her and working on some data sufficiency problem. I never believed in prefaces like our blogger.…

Ammu, I think we are close enough to talk about this, the fact is I am in love with you, I want to know whats in your mind before I say anything else…think about it…will text you She was a bit shocked, may be she expected a preface! And I left her for the day.

At night I kept on texting and no reply came, this was imminent !

Hey, my cutie pie, busy, eh?
Oh c’’mon Ammu , say smthng, ur idiot is waiting :( If I hav hurt u, I am sory , I dint mean it but I hd 2 tel u 1 day. Mis u tons.
And finally came the reply

Stop it Vinu, don’t dramatize it too much.

Abt wat u z earlier, l’ me ask Vinu,

if at all I say yes to ur Q, wat r u gona do 2 convinc ur parnts,
u z dey r ortodox ppl & wnt accpt a gal of ur choic.
And my parnts too, dey wnt accpt sm1 outside d caste and dey r lukng to get me marrid away soon. So, lets be frnz.

Now I had to reply to her Question and I avoided the text lingo to make it more serious looking!

In that case, I will work like anything and get the IAS(yes, I had plans to write the civil service!) and then prostrate before my parents and tell them, please fulfill this one wish of mine, I cant live without this girl….now, they cant turn down the request of an assistant collector! But this will take atleast 2 years. What say?

I wll b hvng a kid by dat tym :D I 4got 2 tel u, a guy is cmng 2 c me ths Saturdy. She replied

Ammu ths isn’t funny :X I was loosing my temper

Vinu, I am nt jokng, he hapns 2 b dad's colegues son, v r of d same caste nd v hav seen each othr b4. he luks gud.:)

Oh, yes. thn go n marry him and name ur son aftr me. I hv got a s/w job offr at kannur, wl b joining aftr our xam. My frustration was starting to come out , the job part was true though.

I dnt thnk u deserv such an honour, I wil mak u my gmail pwd :D ur IAS reply was quite impressive though! That reply made me laugh .But I had no mood to continue for the day.

Ammu, am feelng sleepy. Lets hit the sack, wil talk abt it tmw.gn.

So Vinu, wn u leaving 4 kanur 4 d intvw?

She ended it with a sweetdreams sweetheart.

Next day noon Amruth took Vinay to a surprise treat at Al Bake , they had faluda and in between he pinched on her cheeks….now, don’t expect more , this is Calicut and here the girls behave like touch-me-nots.

I need to mention here that Vinay belongs to a backward caste and Amruth happens to be from the Warrier community, which is quite high! So this itself is a scary enough reason for the families to reject each other and Vinay doesn’t believe in eloping or disowning his parents, as he is the only son and he had to take care of them when its time. Amruth doesn’t want her to be the reason for a problem in Vinay’s family and Amruth cant counter her parents either as the warriers of last generation are still adamant about preserving the race, to top it all, Vinay is yet to find a handsome enough job and Amruth's parents want to pack her off soon as she has a younger sister waiting in the wings. Might sound funny but these are all strong enough reasons, in this part of the world, to prevent love from blossoming and attaining the climax called marriage.

Inside Al Bake.

Ammu : Vinu, its true that I like you as a friend , I love reading your messages, you make me happy, you are a nice guy to be with, I know that you love me but the situation is that we shouldn’t allow this to grow, we cant fight against the odds, its too heavy and we have too little time. You will soon find a better girl than me, don’t worry.

Vinu: Oh stop it Ammu. I am not in a cute-girl-hunt, I don’t want another cute girl, I want the one with these dimples.

Ammu: I should leave now Vinu, need to catch the 2.10 bus. Day after they are coming to see me. Will let you know about the updates. You will be just fine Vinu, this is just a passage in life, don’t get too emotional about it.

And that was what I was precisely experiencing…emotions which came out as a lump in the throat, oh God, I am gona miss these dimples, these naughty eyes, the long hair, the lovely smile and this beautiful mind so soon….do something Vinu. I fealt the numbness which I had on seeing her the first time, but this time my whole body was numb. I left for home in the evening train.

Perhaps this is the end of it, if I talk to my parents about it now, they might even pack me to Bangalore or Chennai for the same old call center job, as of now I didn’t had any job, so I was kind of defenseless and how am I gona battle with her parents who thinks caste was there even before god was born! And what excuse is she gona tell her parents if at all she had to put off the approaching engagement? Yes, what she said is right, the odds are too heavy and we had too little time…

let things happen, I will remain numb….

You shameless looser, you coward, you are too frightened even to try, now you have hurt your love also  My conscience couldn’t forgive me….

Next day she messaged….

Vinu, don’t loose composure. They came and saw me, its fixed, Engagement on coming Saturday, they wanted it to be soon :(

Hearty Congrats Ammu, may you live happily with him forever with enough progeny out of which 1 be a daughter as lovely as her mother. God alone knows how I managed to type it.

No need to b dis 4mal u idiot :D
Vinu pls dnt feel bad, I knw u r in pain but v cnt help it,
in the next life I am urs :) Her reply only increased my pain.

Its okay dear, I think I will survive this. So, he luks Gud ? u lykd hm? I had no idea how I would survive this.

Yeah, he luks gud, not as gud as u though, but I will adjust :P Came her reply.

I tried to get myself distracted, what if I goto kannur and take up the job now itself , why should I wait for the exam to be over, the exam will be, in anycase, on Sunday…perhaps I should leave…again,all of sudden, lot of those movies are making sense together .But different kind of sense this time !

Messages had not dried up…but the romance part was missing, I was trying my best not to be emotional in my messages…but

Hey honey, cn I cal u honey nymre, or sm1 els has acquird d rights?

Vinu,dnt b so dramtic, u hv d rights, but sm1 els also hav a part of it

I dnt wnt partial rights, let hm take it in ful  I meant it actually.

Vinu, u wil remain my frnd 4evr, I wnt 4gt u in my lyf, u r 1 of dose decent guys I hav evr cme across.u r a nice guy 2 b wth. luv u.

I read her reply without too many emotions troubling me. Perhaps the numbness has become static these days!

Thnx Amruth, thnx 4 d complmnts…That’s height of formality!

I got the job meanwhile. Her engagement was over. She had his ring on her ring finger when we met for her treat the next weekend. Oh yes, this is why people have that finger itself…Wedding was supposed to be in a months time. I am still in tumult. All I can do is wish her

Deerga sumangali bhava:

Her Marriage was nearing by and I was loosing all the strength that I thought I had
acquired….Oh God, do something please….will You?

She came, She saw but She left before she conquered...!

But the story doesn’t end there. God, infact heard Vinay!

Me, the blogger will finish it…

As part of a pre marriage enquiry (to put it lightly) done by the groom’s parents it came to be known that Amruth was indeed adopted by her parents when she was 3 months old from somewhere in North India and her caste isn’t what it actually is….cant be sure about her religion, forget caste ! The only thing her donor requested was to keep her name as Amruth, to which the prospective parents agreed.

This was something unacceptable to those old Warrier minds on the groom’s side and they dropped the proposal, their son would have dropped dead on hearing this, but who cares!
Amruth was in a state of disbelief for few days but gradually accepted it…

The 2100 shivers again, it’s the vibrator.

Ammu wants Vinu now…. read the message

Will you give me your Dimples?  …read Vinu’s reply….

Have it, they are yours...read Ammu’s reply

Vinu couldn’t reply as he had to battle tears!

...and She indeed conquered!

I am exhausted, readers, this took some effort...now flood me with comments :)

Nights @ the call center.

Our hero is back with his adventures @ the call center. our hero's name is Dicku..friends in kerala affictionately call him dicku mon...


First of all , some call center vocabulary the readers (I know , other than me the so called number of readers can be counted in a single hand ) need to get familir with...


*upgrade - latest version of Antivirus software that is available.


*Session disconnected cases (SD cases)- since its a chat process in which Dicku works, the chat session through which the customer is chatting can get disconnected for some unforeseen reason. such cases are called session disconnected cases...in such cases the agent needs to call back the customer to experience the wrath of the customers anger...and Dicku is fond of calling back the customer for some odd reason !


*Nartan 360- agents in chennai and kochi refer to the actual software as Nartan 360 in typical tamil slang. Its one hell of a god damn Antivirus mistakenly created by the company.Once you get this thing into your computer , you will start seeing new faces of your computer which you have not seen before !


Floor- (not the literal floor) The production floor where all the drama happens.The graveyard shifts , the birth day bumps, TL's yelling at the height of their voice, Agents yelling back silently.
RA- Remote Access. agents can remotely access the customers computer and do all sort of stuff so that the customer will never again be able to use that computer and he wont think in his wildest dreams to buy Nartan again.


*Irate customer- customer who, after experiencing the salient features of Nartan, is in such a stage that he wants to kill himself and all the agents in floor.


On a usual chat session at 4 in the morning , our agent was helping the customer (Mr.X) to install one of these Nartan products into X's computer.X is a smart fellow , X has got the CD which needs to be installed. (Americans refer to CD as Disk or Disc rather)


X : okay now , how do I install this into my computer.


Agent : Mr.X , please insert your dick into the drive.


X : I am sorry, what do you mean ???? What is going on ?
Is this a bad joke %&^^&^

Agent : I am sorry Mr.X, I meant, please insert the Disk into the drive.sorry for the typo.


X : &^%$&* okay, will do.


And thus our agent came to be called as Dicku thereafter.


Another day, the amount of SD cases were unusually high and lot of call backs were being done and the customers had to give vent to their anger on the agents, and the agents , as usual , put the customers on hold and then shout at the customers in god forbidden language...all this is usual in the floor.


Our Dicku, on a usual call back to an irate customer, was trying to empathise with the customer , the installation of Nartan was going on in the customer's computer and Dicku was helping Mrs.Y at the other end.


Y : YOU KNOW , this has cost me $49.99 and 1 full day of waiting.
Dicku : I am sorry Mrs.Y. I know how it feels, I apologise for the trouble you had to take.


Y : And I am short of money at this time, my daughter is expecting a baby soon. So if this thing doesn't gets fixed this time ,I WANT MY MONEY REFUNDED.


Dicku : (trying to empathise with Y, got elated on hearing the good news of baby arriving soon.) Wow ! thats great Mrs.Y , your daughter is gona be a mom soon


Y : IS IT REALLY GREAT ??? I didnt know when she got married.#$%&^&...


Jesus alone knows how Dicku managed to get rid of that customer after that !


This time Mrs. Z is being helped by Dicku through the phone.Z is using the notorius Nartan 360. Dicku is on the verge of madness, Dicku needs to findout the online back up which comes with Nartan 360. Z has backed up precious data online using Nartan 360 and now she needs to retrieve it back...
Online back up customers are a nightmare to every agent in the floor.Because once you store something online using NArtan 360, you can forget that stuff.
Now Dicku wants to know whether Z's husband has an account for the online back under his name or is it Z who has used her account to back up data.


Z : (yawning , trying to be positive but not being able to, making all kind of jestures with throat , Dicku is becoming nervous at the other end.)


Dicku : Madam, now that I cant retrieve your back up, I would like to know, does your husband has any back up ?


Z : SSSORRYY....!!! &^%*&* What is your managers name, tell me now. I want to speak to your supervisor.
The supervisor had to use all his entrepenurial skills on Z to calm her down.but the supervisor was happy that Dicku didnt ask Z 'whether your husband has any pick up' instead of back up ...going by Dicku's history even that couldn't be ruled out !


Now some of the customer responses usually heared in the
floor.

Do I need internet connection to download Nartan online?

Now that the 2009 version of Nartan wont work in my computer, I just installed 2008 version. Is it now possible for me to upgrade to 2009 version ?

Before having a chat session with one of your agents yesterday my Nartan was not working. Now , after the agent worked on my computer, the computer itself is not working !

Why is Nartan 360 is called Nartan 360 ? (even Nartan 360's parents doesn't know the answer ! )

I cant connect to the internet after installing Nartan, but I dont really know how I was able to connect to your chat support now, does it really need an Internet Connection to connect to you guys ?

Agent : please press F8 key when computer is booting.

Customer : f8f8f8f8f8 F should be in upper case or what ?

Agent : after downloading the file you need to RUN the setup,

Customer : you mean run it ? but I dont have a tread mill here.
....thus goes the adventures in the floor....