Reader’s discretion: Kids who are reading this,
don’t try the chat lingo at home or school, your grades will be in red and so
will be your father’s eyes.
Salient
features of pain
·
Pain makes you get angry easily
·
when you are in pain you lose your diet
·
pain makes you shed your inhibitions
·
pain makes you forget your surroundings
·
pain makes you experience your every single breath.
·
When the pain is in the mind , the creative best
comes out of you!
And
on such a painful day, the vibrator buzzed (I prefer the vibrator mode even at
home, old habits just refuse to die.)
"Raj,
m getn marid".
"Oh,
gr8! Hrty congrts dear. I tld u, rite. Evrythng wl fal in2 place.
Nw
, as agreed upon , u gota tel me d stry of ur romnc."
And
as she promised, she started telling her story that night. Story of her life
until then , Story about when she started to live life to the fullest, by
filling each moment with life rather than life with moments.
I
dedicate this post to my friend who brought me back to life when I was
wandering like a string detached kite , to her, who filled my heart with
selfless love and serenity.
Sruthi
It
was after the final-years day at college, my cell beeped announcing the arrival
of a message.
“evn
thogh v mangd 2 nt speak a wrd in these 4 years, I guess, waving a bye on this
last day comes under the etiquette ”
The
number was unfamiliar and the language was old fashioned for text messages.
But the content rang a bell in my head. I dialed the number. On the 2nd
ring it was picked.
“Hello,
sorry I didn’t get you”
“But
you certainly got my message”
“I
did, do I know you?”
“I
was in your friendly neighbourhood”
“Spiderman!”
“What
?”
“The
dialogue is from Spiderman! ”
“Not
bad, well I am Manoj from ECE, thought of saying bye as its gona end”
“Oh,
Manu, its you!”
“You
know my pet name !”
“And
quite a lot about you”
“But
this is the first time we are talking in these 4 years of Engineering”
“Yes,
its strange, anyways pleasure talking to you , we can be in touch rather than
parting our ways, I guess?”
“That
would be a privilege”
“Well,
why would that be ?”
“because
you are a cutie pie with as beautiful mind as your face and it’s a privilege
and pleasure.”
“Stop
it Manu, if it were a message I would have put the blush smiley here.”
“Keep
blushing ma’m, I gota hang up now, we will be in touch.”
“Sure,
bye.”
“Bye
Sruthi”.
College
got over. All of a sudden life seemed to lack luster. Friends became all the
more dearer and my mind wandered in the class of Electronics and Communication
in search of Manoj’s face. We ‘ve never talked while at college, I was in
Information Technology branch, so we never really got a chance…But was it
because of that alone ?
Next
morning, the cell rings again…
“Thinking
about me , huh? ”
It
was Manoj! God , is he watching my mind!
“No
, I was just lying down and thinking about college”.
“Now,
I am sure , you were thinking about us, last night”
“How
?”
“Well,
we are still in the hangover of college and I was thinking about you, why have
we kept away from each other and like that”
“Kept
away! I never got a chance to befriend you , that’s all. So, you were thinking
about me?”
“Thinking
about why we avoided each other ? ”.
“What
makes you come at it? That we were avoiding each other ? ”
“Will
tell you some other time. So, what are your plans ?”
“Not
decided anything yet, let the results come, and you ? “
“Will
be leaving for Pune, mom ‘s there. Can job hunt from there.”
“Cool,
let the best find you. No plans for higher Ed. ?”
“Yes,
definitely, want to try the GATE, I have dreams of doing M.Tech from an IIT.
But need a job first”
“M.Tech
from IIT , eh? Aims are sky high!”
“I
said dreams, whether it will conspire into an aim and then come true, only time
knows.”
“Lets
see, so tell me why you avoided me while at college.”
“I
would love to tell you, but later, gota go now…evenings at the beach, setting
sun is waiting me”
And
he hung up…He is not making me miss college, atleast that much is sure.
Manoj
Those
penetrating eyes which gets to your soul, that look is still fresh in my mind.
That charm and aura of hers which has cast a spell on many a boy at college.
Yet I made sure not to be enslaved by this beauty and that was because I
liked her and it was only a matter of time before I fell in love with her but I
didn’t want that to happen…
But
why ? Afraid perhaps!
I
knew a thing or two about her through friends. But I always made sure not to
know much. She was a feast for the eyes , her smile used to haunt me in my
dreams even though she never smiled at me.
Narrator
The
message to say good bye turned out to be the message which was waiting for 4
years to get delivered. ..Love eventually finds its way to bloom.
Holding
back ones love never really helps, it breaks the shackles and comes out even
more vigorously and that’s what happened with Manu. And what about Sruthi ?
Let’s find out…
Its
been 4 months , Manoj is in Pune, working in a software firm , Sruthi is in
Trivandrum, working in an MNC. Messages reach as high as 200 a day and calls
get over only when the battery gets over.
Sruthi
What
would have been life like without Manu. This alien city, this boring job, this
life away from home…He brings life into my life here.I think he loves me, its
just a matter of time before it comes out in words. And what about me ?
“Honey
bunch, hd dnr? ”
“Yes
dear, wat u doin?”
“ws
gtng rdy ?”
“for
?”
“to
set thngs strait”
“you
mean ur hair ? :D”
“I
wantd 2 share ths wth u 4 smtym nw, finaly mustrd enuf courg to cme out wth ths
1 liner”
“and
whch is ? ”
“I
have fallen in love”
“with
? ”
“with
this girl who came to my life like morning dew, so fresh and so pure, she
brought with her the fragrance of romance and filled my heart with selfless
love , the smile in her face lights up my day, the warmth in her breath fills
me with delight.
is
it the blush smiley this time, or ?”
"I
didn't understand a thing :D"
"Shruthi,
I just discovered that I have fallen in love with you.
If
you happen to discover the same thing , don’t worry , we will share it. If not
, I am ready to share mine."
"Smart
boy ! No need to share."
"What
does that mean ?"
"I
discovered something as well!"
"Which
is…?"
"You
know why I avoided you all the 4 years at college ? its because I liked you.
And I didn’t wanted it to develop into something more. But now,"
"But
now ? what happened now ?"
"But
now, I no longer like you…"
"What
??? I don’t believe this"
"I
no longer, just like you, because I have started loving you."
…….
"Hello,
what happened ? Why no reply."
"Give
some time to wipe my tears off. I feel like hugging you at this moment.
Show
your forehead."
"
? "
"Ummaa…"
"Blush
smiley "
The
serenity that first love brings with it, first love which dawned on me like a
breath of fresh air… first love that is as pure as the glowing flame swept me
off my feet. All of sudden, life seemed to be more.
Manoj
Her
words were music to the ears. And it came with a surprise too, that she had
feelings for me all these years. Discovering love and then declaring it brings
about a peace to the mind that is unmatched. I feel a sense of prosperity to
have her in my heart. A sense of divinity that adorns her face and her smile
lands as a tranquil shower in my mind. Now I have the aims to take me forward.
IITs and Sruthi. Got to perspire for the former now. I began seriously
preparing for the entrance exam for M.Tech, its called GATE in this part of the
world and rightly so, as it opens the gate to your future.
Narrator
That’s
how love bloomed. Even though they were only a class room away for 4 years not
more than few glances transpired and now, they were a thousand miles away but
she could sense the beats his heart would skip and he could feel the warmth of
her breath falling in his cheeks.
Life
was joyous, his job was going fine, even though hectic. She was slowly starting
to enjoy her work. His plans for M.Tech were right on track.
The
clock kept ticking. It’s been a year since that blush smiley. Manoj did not
qualify for M.Tech in the last attempt. He got transferred to Delhi. Though the
miles between Sruthi and Manoj increased, the smiles between them never
decreased. Even though Manoj was a bit down after failing in the first attempt
, Sruthi kept him motivated and now he was confident about 2 years of M.Tech
and then rest of the life with Sruthi.
With
her prayers paying off this time, Manu qualified for one of the IITs in the 2nd
attempt. Now ,2 more years of wait remains for the 2nd aim.
Sruthi
was ecstatic to hear about his triumph. She now, works in another firm in
Kochi. Her parents were pressing for her marriage and she kept on suppressing.
Not that they wont agree to Manoj but he was adamant on getting his M.Tech done
first.
Sruthi
“Got
the loan sanctioned for M.Tech in IIT, Karaghpur!”
“Great!
So how long do you have before you become student again?”
“2
months roughly, by the way , mom fell ill, took her to the doctor yesterday.”
“Oh
no, what happened?”
“Did
few tests yesterday. Waiting for the results to come.”
“What
happened to her all of a sudden ?”
“She
has had pain in the renal column for some time now. Doc. thinks its kidney
stone. I am worried. Wish you were here with me”
“Don’t
worry, if its stone then medicines will do , right ? My prayers are with you.
Aunty will be fine.”
But
that was not going to be. Manoj’s mother’s condition got worse soon, she was
diagnosed with kidney failure which needed a transplant. The clock was ticking
again. Manoj’s family had limited means to afford the treatment and he decided
to use his educational loan to save his mom.
His
greatest dream collapsed before materializing. He had come to Vellore with his
mom for the transplant and that’s when I visited him. It’s the first time we
are seeing each other since we started seeing each other.
Manoj
Here
I am ,sitting in the corridor of Centre for Nephrology and Research in Vellore.
Mom has been shifted to ICU after her surgery. Fortunately we got the match for
AB+ kidney, and the transplant is over. But she is not out of danger. At least
not for another 6 months, until the new kidney becomes stable. The last 2
months has been nothing but traumatic to say the least. The sight of hospital ,
medicines, patients and their sufferings plough your mind and makes you
appreciate life more generously. In the event of a bigger trauma, smaller ones
get forgotten and that’s what happened to my IIT dreams. I ‘ve lost my father
early , the thoughts of losing my mother was unthinkable. Gladly enough, she is
saved.
Sruthi
said she ‘ll be here today, Vellore being nearer to Kochi, its easier for her.
Narrator
Months
passed by , as they usually do. Manu’s mom is recovering but a fear of death is
still haunting her and she wants to see Manoj marry soon. When his mother
recovered sufficiently enough , the forgotten pain started resurfacing. Manoj
had all his dreams shattered. Getting his M.Tech, getting to work in a big
firm, marrying Sruthi, settling in life…
Manoj
…settling
in life in such a way that I am able to take care of my sweet heart. She is a
princess and needs to be treated as one. What do I have to offer her now. …loan
, debt, the ashes of my extinguished dreams ? With much effort I qualified in
the 2nd attempt, qualifying again , trying once more ?
Naah…let
me take it out of the equation. I got a loan to repay already. In another 3
months the time to join the IIT will also be over… Have to save the present job
atleast, mom can’t work anymore. Marriage seems to be a distant mirage now. Why
bring her to this loser’s life and give her all the trouble.
Sruthi
Chatting
and messaging has dropped exponentially. I can understand that Manu is going
through a tough time but in the last few weeks I feel that he is deliberately
keeping away like he used to do at college. His IIT dream is in shambles, I am
afraid he will stop chasing his other dreams as well.
“Hai,
what’s up”
“Was
thinking about you”
”Need
to talk”.
“I
am all ears.”
“This
is not working out”
“What
is not ?”
“You
and me, our relationship”
“What
???”
“I
am losing everything, I can’t stop myself from losing you either.”
“Manu,
what’s with you? You are hurting me”
“You
have to accept it Sruthi, I am not in a position to marry you”
“But
your position will change,”
“I
have no hope, I cant add to my burden”
“Burden!!!
I just cant believe you said that”
“I
might do my M.Tech after few years, maybe my position will change, but I cant
let you wait for me like that”
“Please
allow me to make my decision.”
“Whatever
that maybe , now you are nothing but a burden for me and I am not ready for a
commitment. You are free to choose anyone but not me.”
“Don’t
be so cruel Manu”
“Got
to go, bye.”
Narrator
Calls
and messages became infrequent, both were experiencing the salient features of
pain, and when it’s the mind that is in pain there is no balm that will reduce
it. Both couldn't withdraw from loving each other. He was living life like a
coded module, just going through the motions. She missed him more than she
could bear, she hated life, she felt betrayed. But she couldn't stop loving
him. 2 more months of pain passed by.
Sruthi
: Hws ur mom doin ?
Manu
: much betr nw
Sruthi:
parnts r pestrng me 4 marig
Manu
: u shud tie d knot, isn’t it time ?
Sruthi
: I still love u Manu
Manu
: dnt b stupid, dnt waste ur lyf on me, I cnt marry u.
Sruthi
: u dnt feel any agony sayng ths ?
Manu
: thr r more imprtnt thngs in lyf 4 me nw. U deserv sm1 who is in a betr
positn,sm1 frm a big MNC, who cud take care of u the way it ought to b.
Sruthi
: pleas stop judging bout wat I deserv nd wat I do not. MNCs wnt giv me
u, I dnt wnt a betr positiond 1, u r wat I want.
Manu
: I have to hang up, bye.
When
he started turning a blind eye towards her love he started getting questions,
from his conscience perhaps. ‘God, how do I turn my face against her love? Give
me the strength to turn this down. And after turning it down, what lies ahead
of me? Why am I doing what I am doing? How many times I would have typed the
message for her and erase it before sending!' Love, once bloomed is very hard
to fade.
Few more weeks passed, the most crucial weeks ever in his life.
Manoj
I
will have to meet her in person. Otherwise this in not going to sink in.
“Need
to talk.”
“What
is there left to talk.”
“Need
to talk in person.”
“What
for, I don’t have leave.”
“Please
Sruthi, one last time, for old time’s sake.”
“…………………..Alright…where?”
“Let’s
meet where we spent the 4 best years of our life, where we did our
Engineering.”
“Calicut?
Ok, next Sunday I am free.”
“Next
Sunday, 6 PM, Mezban.”
“Mezban
! Seems like you haven’t had enough of my tears.”
Narrator
Mezban
was the place ideal for romance to blossom, the ambiance, the candle lit
dinners, the soothing music flowing in the backdrop. It only added to Sruthi’s
woes that Manu chose Mezban for saying goodbye.They met on that Sunday evening
one last time and managed to greet each other with a smile. Spice Girls’ song
was playing in the background. They ordered Pulav.
Sruthi
: So, here I am , as you wanted.
Manu
: Thanks for coming.
Sruthi
: Hows things going ? Which ‘position’ are you in now ?
Manu
: I agree that I have caused you the most excruciating pain in the last few
months but I also suffered as much. I am here to make amends.
Sruthi
: You brought some ‘better positioned’ alliance to me ?
Manu
: Yes, he is someone who realized that by discarding his love he is never going
to be in a better position in life.
Sruthi
: I didn’t come here for this bullshit.
Manu:
Its when he got depressed that he lost himself and his girl. But now he
recovered.
Sruthi
: just like you lost yourself and me.
Manu
: Have I ?
Sruthi
: What ?
Manu
: I am here to ask you Sruthi, Will you marry me ?
Sruthi
: What are you talking about ? Don’t play with me.
Manu
: I realized, I can’t live without you.
Sruthi
: What happened to the so called ‘position’?
Manu
: My M.D came to know about my GATE-mom-Ed.Loan-love story and my company
offered to sponsor me to do the M.Tech this year itself. I will have to work
for them for a further 2 years after completing my M.Tech. Mom wants me to get
married soon. I decided to obey her. My class starts in 45 days. So, Ma’m, will
you do the honour of marrying me ?
And
he opened the box with the ring as in movies.
Sruthi
found it hard to wipe off her tears.
Manu
: Sruthi, will you marry me
Sruthi
: Any day of the month.
And
he kissed her.
‘when
two become one…’ the song continued to play.
