Our hero is back with his adventures @ the call center. our hero's name is Dicku..friends in kerala affictionately call him dicku mon...
First of all , some call center vocabulary the readers (I know , other than me the so called number of readers can be counted in a single hand ) need to get familir with...
*upgrade - latest version of Antivirus software that is available.
*Session disconnected cases (SD cases)- since its a chat process in which Dicku works, the chat session through which the customer is chatting can get disconnected for some unforeseen reason. such cases are called session disconnected cases...in such cases the agent needs to call back the customer to experience the wrath of the customers anger...and Dicku is fond of calling back the customer for some odd reason !
*Nartan 360- agents in chennai and kochi refer to the actual software as Nartan 360 in typical tamil slang. Its one hell of a god damn Antivirus mistakenly created by the company.Once you get this thing into your computer , you will start seeing new faces of your computer which you have not seen before !
Floor- (not the literal floor) The production floor where all the drama happens.The graveyard shifts , the birth day bumps, TL's yelling at the height of their voice, Agents yelling back silently.
RA- Remote Access. agents can remotely access the customers computer and do all sort of stuff so that the customer will never again be able to use that computer and he wont think in his wildest dreams to buy Nartan again.
*Irate customer- customer who, after experiencing the salient features of Nartan, is in such a stage that he wants to kill himself and all the agents in floor.
On a usual chat session at 4 in the morning , our agent was helping the customer (Mr.X) to install one of these Nartan products into X's computer.X is a smart fellow , X has got the CD which needs to be installed. (Americans refer to CD as Disk or Disc rather)
X : okay now , how do I install this into my computer.
Agent : Mr.X , please insert your dick into the drive.
X : I am sorry, what do you mean ???? What is going on ?
Is this a bad joke %&^^&^
Agent : I am sorry Mr.X, I meant, please insert the Disk into the drive.sorry for the typo.
X : &^%$&* okay, will do.
And thus our agent came to be called as Dicku thereafter.
Another day, the amount of SD cases were unusually high and lot of call backs were being done and the customers had to give vent to their anger on the agents, and the agents , as usual , put the customers on hold and then shout at the customers in god forbidden language...all this is usual in the floor.
Our Dicku, on a usual call back to an irate customer, was trying to empathise with the customer , the installation of Nartan was going on in the customer's computer and Dicku was helping Mrs.Y at the other end.
Y : YOU KNOW , this has cost me $49.99 and 1 full day of waiting.
Dicku : I am sorry Mrs.Y. I know how it feels, I apologise for the trouble you had to take.
Y : And I am short of money at this time, my daughter is expecting a baby soon. So if this thing doesn't gets fixed this time ,I WANT MY MONEY REFUNDED.
Dicku : (trying to empathise with Y, got elated on hearing the good news of baby arriving soon.) Wow ! thats great Mrs.Y , your daughter is gona be a mom soon
Y : IS IT REALLY GREAT ??? I didnt know when she got married.#$%&^&...
Jesus alone knows how Dicku managed to get rid of that customer after that !
This time Mrs. Z is being helped by Dicku through the phone.Z is using the notorius Nartan 360. Dicku is on the verge of madness, Dicku needs to findout the online back up which comes with Nartan 360. Z has backed up precious data online using Nartan 360 and now she needs to retrieve it back...
Online back up customers are a nightmare to every agent in the floor.Because once you store something online using NArtan 360, you can forget that stuff.
Now Dicku wants to know whether Z's husband has an account for the online back under his name or is it Z who has used her account to back up data.
Z : (yawning , trying to be positive but not being able to, making all kind of jestures with throat , Dicku is becoming nervous at the other end.)
Dicku : Madam, now that I cant retrieve your back up, I would like to know, does your husband has any back up ?
Z : SSSORRYY....!!! &^%*&* What is your managers name, tell me now. I want to speak to your supervisor.
The supervisor had to use all his entrepenurial skills on Z to calm her down.but the supervisor was happy that Dicku didnt ask Z 'whether your husband has any pick up' instead of back up ...going by Dicku's history even that couldn't be ruled out !
Now some of the customer responses usually heared in the
floor.
Do I need internet connection to download Nartan online?
Now that the 2009 version of Nartan wont work in my computer, I just installed 2008 version. Is it now possible for me to upgrade to 2009 version ?
Before having a chat session with one of your agents yesterday my Nartan was not working. Now , after the agent worked on my computer, the computer itself is not working !
Why is Nartan 360 is called Nartan 360 ? (even Nartan 360's parents doesn't know the answer ! )
I cant connect to the internet after installing Nartan, but I dont really know how I was able to connect to your chat support now, does it really need an Internet Connection to connect to you guys ?
Agent : please press F8 key when computer is booting.
Customer : f8f8f8f8f8 F should be in upper case or what ?
Agent : after downloading the file you need to RUN the setup,
Customer : you mean run it ? but I dont have a tread mill here.
....thus goes the adventures in the floor....
