Our hero is back with his adventures @ the call center. our hero's name is Dicku..friends in kerala affictionately call him dicku mon...
First of all , some call center vocabulary the readers (I know , other than me the so called number of readers can be counted in a single hand ) need to get familir with...
*upgrade - latest version of Antivirus software that is available.
*Session disconnected cases (SD cases)- since its a chat process in which Dicku works, the chat session through which the customer is chatting can get disconnected for some unforeseen reason. such cases are called session disconnected cases...in such cases the agent needs to call back the customer to experience the wrath of the customers anger...and Dicku is fond of calling back the customer for some odd reason !
*Nartan 360- agents in chennai and kochi refer to the actual software as Nartan 360 in typical tamil slang. Its one hell of a god damn Antivirus mistakenly created by the company.Once you get this thing into your computer , you will start seeing new faces of your computer which you have not seen before !
Floor- (not the literal floor) The production floor where all the drama happens.The graveyard shifts , the birth day bumps, TL's yelling at the height of their voice, Agents yelling back silently.
RA- Remote Access. agents can remotely access the customers computer and do all sort of stuff so that the customer will never again be able to use that computer and he wont think in his wildest dreams to buy Nartan again.
*Irate customer- customer who, after experiencing the salient features of Nartan, is in such a stage that he wants to kill himself and all the agents in floor.
On a usual chat session at 4 in the morning , our agent was helping the customer (Mr.X) to install one of these Nartan products into X's computer.X is a smart fellow , X has got the CD which needs to be installed. (Americans refer to CD as Disk or Disc rather)
X : okay now , how do I install this into my computer.
Agent : Mr.X , please insert your dick into the drive.
X : I am sorry, what do you mean ???? What is going on ?
Is this a bad joke %&^^&^
Agent : I am sorry Mr.X, I meant, please insert the Disk into the drive.sorry for the typo.
X : &^%$&* okay, will do.
And thus our agent came to be called as Dicku thereafter.
Another day, the amount of SD cases were unusually high and lot of call backs were being done and the customers had to give vent to their anger on the agents, and the agents , as usual , put the customers on hold and then shout at the customers in god forbidden language...all this is usual in the floor.
Our Dicku, on a usual call back to an irate customer, was trying to empathise with the customer , the installation of Nartan was going on in the customer's computer and Dicku was helping Mrs.Y at the other end.
Y : YOU KNOW , this has cost me $49.99 and 1 full day of waiting.
Dicku : I am sorry Mrs.Y. I know how it feels, I apologise for the trouble you had to take.
Y : And I am short of money at this time, my daughter is expecting a baby soon. So if this thing doesn't gets fixed this time ,I WANT MY MONEY REFUNDED.
Dicku : (trying to empathise with Y, got elated on hearing the good news of baby arriving soon.) Wow ! thats great Mrs.Y , your daughter is gona be a mom soon
Y : IS IT REALLY GREAT ??? I didnt know when she got married.#$%&^&...
Jesus alone knows how Dicku managed to get rid of that customer after that !
This time Mrs. Z is being helped by Dicku through the phone.Z is using the notorius Nartan 360. Dicku is on the verge of madness, Dicku needs to findout the online back up which comes with Nartan 360. Z has backed up precious data online using Nartan 360 and now she needs to retrieve it back...
Online back up customers are a nightmare to every agent in the floor.Because once you store something online using NArtan 360, you can forget that stuff.
Now Dicku wants to know whether Z's husband has an account for the online back under his name or is it Z who has used her account to back up data.
Z : (yawning , trying to be positive but not being able to, making all kind of jestures with throat , Dicku is becoming nervous at the other end.)
Dicku : Madam, now that I cant retrieve your back up, I would like to know, does your husband has any back up ?
Z : SSSORRYY....!!! &^%*&* What is your managers name, tell me now. I want to speak to your supervisor.
The supervisor had to use all his entrepenurial skills on Z to calm her down.but the supervisor was happy that Dicku didnt ask Z 'whether your husband has any pick up' instead of back up ...going by Dicku's history even that couldn't be ruled out !
Now some of the customer responses usually heared in the
floor.
Do I need internet connection to download Nartan online?
Now that the 2009 version of Nartan wont work in my computer, I just installed 2008 version. Is it now possible for me to upgrade to 2009 version ?
Before having a chat session with one of your agents yesterday my Nartan was not working. Now , after the agent worked on my computer, the computer itself is not working !
Why is Nartan 360 is called Nartan 360 ? (even Nartan 360's parents doesn't know the answer ! )
I cant connect to the internet after installing Nartan, but I dont really know how I was able to connect to your chat support now, does it really need an Internet Connection to connect to you guys ?
Agent : please press F8 key when computer is booting.
Customer : f8f8f8f8f8 F should be in upper case or what ?
Agent : after downloading the file you need to RUN the setup,
Customer : you mean run it ? but I dont have a tread mill here.
....thus goes the adventures in the floor....
Friday, February 27, 2009
Monday, June 16, 2008
record, SAMOSA & viva
After the usual unsuccessful practical exam our Hero has come for the viva voce of 1st year degree... where you often get a lump in the throat for wrong reasons...!
the examiner was verifying records... and our hero was waiting his turn... now, this examiner is someone who also puts marks based on the kind of books which is being reffered by the student...our hero is someone who reads nothing but the lab manual which doesn't have an author!... but he has byhearted names of few authors... finally his turn arrives...examiner continues to correct the records and in between asks questions...
examiner : ok, which all books did you refer...
Hero : sir, lab manual
examiner : ? ! ? other than that....?
Hero : sir, Milaman and Halkias , Resnic and Haliday
examiner : go on...
Hero : Halkias and Milman , Haliday and Halkias
examiner : ?? ok, thats good...so, how do you findout the heat rating of a bulb...?
(in the mean time, tea and samosa for the examiner arrives...)
Hero : ( with a grin from ear to ear, thinking what exactly is this heat rating) sir, touch the bulb with your palm...the more hot is the bulb the more its rating...
examiner : ????? grrrrrr , how do you test the material inside a wire?
Hero : whose wire, sir ?
examiner : what do you mean...??????(now, this wire ,when heared in malayalam...has a different meaning...! poor hero's innocent mind didn't forsee that)
Hero : I mean, which companys wire are you talking about, sir...?
examiner : you idiot....leave it...your viva is over, you can go.......
the samosa is smiling at the hero, hero feels that there is enough water inside his mouth for titanic to sink...hero smiles back at the samosa...Examiner continues to correct records and in between he says
examiner : ok, take it...
Hero : !!!! No , thankyou sir
examiner : common, take it and leave...
Hero suspects there is something wrong with examiner or maybe he is so happy with the record ! and reluctantly takes and eats the samosa.after few seconds examiner looks at the hero and then into the plate to find that the samosa has disappeared..!
Examiner : who told you to eat the samosa...? I told you take your record and leave...
the examiner was verifying records... and our hero was waiting his turn... now, this examiner is someone who also puts marks based on the kind of books which is being reffered by the student...our hero is someone who reads nothing but the lab manual which doesn't have an author!... but he has byhearted names of few authors... finally his turn arrives...examiner continues to correct the records and in between asks questions...
examiner : ok, which all books did you refer...
Hero : sir, lab manual
examiner : ? ! ? other than that....?
Hero : sir, Milaman and Halkias , Resnic and Haliday
examiner : go on...
Hero : Halkias and Milman , Haliday and Halkias
examiner : ?? ok, thats good...so, how do you findout the heat rating of a bulb...?
(in the mean time, tea and samosa for the examiner arrives...)
Hero : ( with a grin from ear to ear, thinking what exactly is this heat rating) sir, touch the bulb with your palm...the more hot is the bulb the more its rating...
examiner : ????? grrrrrr , how do you test the material inside a wire?
Hero : whose wire, sir ?
examiner : what do you mean...??????(now, this wire ,when heared in malayalam...has a different meaning...! poor hero's innocent mind didn't forsee that)
Hero : I mean, which companys wire are you talking about, sir...?
examiner : you idiot....leave it...your viva is over, you can go.......
the samosa is smiling at the hero, hero feels that there is enough water inside his mouth for titanic to sink...hero smiles back at the samosa...Examiner continues to correct records and in between he says
examiner : ok, take it...
Hero : !!!! No , thankyou sir
examiner : common, take it and leave...
Hero suspects there is something wrong with examiner or maybe he is so happy with the record ! and reluctantly takes and eats the samosa.after few seconds examiner looks at the hero and then into the plate to find that the samosa has disappeared..!
Examiner : who told you to eat the samosa...? I told you take your record and leave...
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Questions out of the syllabus...
"but aren't you working in sutherland...? "
yes...I heard it right...sutherland...! her eyes , blinking at me with a question mark as if looking at a culprit...even though it was winter, i was sweating under my collars...! oh...so last time I had told her that i work in sutherland...so whom did I tell that I work in wipro...?
maybe someone else...! but now I gota answer this query...
"oh ma'm, I am very much in sutherland, but u didn't know..? sutherland tied up with wipro few weeks back..so now I work for sutherland's wipro section in kochi ...."
ma'm--"oh is it so...! and you are the... ? (in wipro)"
culprit--"well, HR in wipro"
ma'm--"oh ..! cool... then you can be of help...my son has got an interview in wipro next week in the kochi office...so I request you to do the needful"
culprit--(oh...god..please dont do this to me...again...) "well, ma'm , ofcourse I'll see to it that
your son gets selected...! afterall you are the one who saw me through in many of those practicals during college...!"
and I escaped for the moment from my ex-lab supervisor at college...
I'll have to seriously consider making a table of all those companies in which I am working against the
name of my well wishers, who I'll be meeting during my brief stint at college during the next few days. because now I realize that blabbering too many things to too many people and needing to recollect the details at later stage and not being able to correlate the data with the receiver, sweating under the mild winter sun in front of the ex-lab supervisor,etc...isn't as good a feeling as not turning up for the first-show with the (gal)friend because the matnee with another of those gal(friend)s didnt get over early enough to go to the first show ..! etc...so the table must be made asap...or else the winter sun is gona make me sweat more frequently for the
next few days!
name ...... I am working at
miss.x -- sutherland
mrs.y -- wipro
miss.a -- radio mirchie
mr.b -- nameless s/w firm
mr.c -- doing some course in some city of kerala
miss.l -- ayyooo...miss.l is a friend of both x and y...
okay...sutherland ties up with wipro...!
few other possible questions...
"but what are you doing at college now...?"
possible answers....
(god damn...%&^*question out of syllabus)...change topic...give as wide a smile as possible which can convey more than one meanings...oh, my bus is coming , lemme go, catch ya
later...
"ok...whatever...where do you work...?"
possible answer
tell me whose friend are you...?
yes...I heard it right...sutherland...! her eyes , blinking at me with a question mark as if looking at a culprit...even though it was winter, i was sweating under my collars...! oh...so last time I had told her that i work in sutherland...so whom did I tell that I work in wipro...?
maybe someone else...! but now I gota answer this query...
"oh ma'm, I am very much in sutherland, but u didn't know..? sutherland tied up with wipro few weeks back..so now I work for sutherland's wipro section in kochi ...."
ma'm--"oh is it so...! and you are the... ? (in wipro)"
culprit--"well, HR in wipro"
ma'm--"oh ..! cool... then you can be of help...my son has got an interview in wipro next week in the kochi office...so I request you to do the needful"
culprit--(oh...god..please dont do this to me...again...) "well, ma'm , ofcourse I'll see to it that
your son gets selected...! afterall you are the one who saw me through in many of those practicals during college...!"
and I escaped for the moment from my ex-lab supervisor at college...
I'll have to seriously consider making a table of all those companies in which I am working against the
name of my well wishers, who I'll be meeting during my brief stint at college during the next few days. because now I realize that blabbering too many things to too many people and needing to recollect the details at later stage and not being able to correlate the data with the receiver, sweating under the mild winter sun in front of the ex-lab supervisor,etc...isn't as good a feeling as not turning up for the first-show with the (gal)friend because the matnee with another of those gal(friend)s didnt get over early enough to go to the first show ..! etc...so the table must be made asap...or else the winter sun is gona make me sweat more frequently for the
next few days!
name ...... I am working at
miss.x -- sutherland
mrs.y -- wipro
miss.a -- radio mirchie
mr.b -- nameless s/w firm
mr.c -- doing some course in some city of kerala
miss.l -- ayyooo...miss.l is a friend of both x and y...
okay...sutherland ties up with wipro...!
few other possible questions...
"but what are you doing at college now...?"
possible answers....
(god damn...%&^*question out of syllabus)...change topic...give as wide a smile as possible which can convey more than one meanings...oh, my bus is coming , lemme go, catch ya
later...
"ok...whatever...where do you work...?"
possible answer
tell me whose friend are you...?
Thursday, November 8, 2007
സപ്ലിഗാഥ
1182 കന്നി 12
ബാച്ച് ഡേ... ചില "സംഭവങ്ങള്"
ഈ കഴിഞ്ഞ ബാച്ച് ഡേയോടനുബന്ധിച്ച് സപ്ലിഗാഥ എന്ന പുസ്തകത്തിന്റെ പ്രകാശന ചടങ്ങ് സർവകലാശാല കാമ്പസ് ഇല് വച്ചു നടന്നു.
സാങ്കേതിക കാരണങ്ങള് കൊണ്ടു ഗ്രന്ഥകര്ത്താവിന്റെ പേരു വെളിപ്പെടുത്തുവാന് ഈ അവസരത്തില് കഴിയില്ല
ആന്റണി, ഡിങ്കന്, കംബിഅണ്ണന്, ജെറി എന്നി പൌര പ്രമുഖര് * ചടങ്ങില് സംബന്ദിച്ചു...
ഉദ്ദ്ഘാടനം മി.ഉധണ്ണന് (97 ബച്ച്...ഇനിയും പാസ്സൌട്ട് അയിട്ടില്ല) എക്സാം സ്കൂട്ട് ചെയ്തു കൊണ്ടു നിര്വ്വഹിച്ചു....ആദ്യ പുസ്തകം പ്രിയ (98 ബാച്ച്... ബി ടെക്ക് ഉപേക്ഷിച്ചു ബി കോം ന് ചേര്ന്ന പുണ്യവതി) സർവ്വകലാശാല വി.സി. യില് നിന്നു ഏറ്റുവാങ്ങി...
ഈ ഗ്രന്ഥം എന്ജിനിയറിങ്ങ് നു ചെരുന്നവര്ക്ക് ഒരു റെഫറന്സ് ബുക്ക് ആയി ഉപയോഗിക്കാം എന്നു അധ്യക്ഷത വഹിച്ച മി.വൈക്ലൊ (98 ബച്ച്... ഉധണ്ണന്റെ പിന്ഗാമി) അഭിപ്രായപ്പെട്ടു...
കഴിഞ്ഞ 4 വര്ഷത്തെ ഹാള് ടിക്കെറ്റുകളും മര്ക്ക് ലിസ്റ്റുകളും ബയന്റ്റ് ചെയ്തു പുസ്തകരൂപത്തില് പ്രസിദ്ദികരിക്കണം എന്നതു തന്റെ ചിരകാല അഭിലാഷമായിരുന്നു എന്നു കാഥികന് തന്റെ പ്രസംഗത്തില് പറഞ്ഞു...
എല്ലാ എക്സാം കഴിയുമ്പൊഴും മര്ക് ലിസ്റ്റ് വരുമ്പൊഴും സപ്ലിഗാഥയുടെ പുതിയ പതിപ്പ് ഇറക്കും എന്നു പ്രസാധകരായ കണ്ടോണേഷൻ ബുക്ക്സ്, കണ്ണൂർ പ്രസ്താവിച്ചു...
സപ്ലിഗാഥ വാങ്ങാത്തവരെ ഔട്ട്പുട്ട് കിട്ടിയാല് പൊലും എസ് 3 ഇ.സി.ഇ ലാബ് പാസ്സാക്കില്ലെന്നു ആശംസ പ്രസംഗത്തിനിടക്ക് DB * പറഞ്ഞതു കരഘോഷത്തൊടെയാണു സദസ്സ് എതിരേറ്റതു....
എൻട്രൻസ് എഴുതുന്നതിനു മുന്പു എല്ലാ വിദ്ദ്യാര്ഥികളും സപ്ലിഗാഥ വയിച്ചിരിക്കേണ്ടത് അത്യാവശ്യമാണെന്നു ആന്റണി അവതാരികയില് എഴുതിയതു വളരെ സത്യം ആണെന്നു മനോജ് * തന്റെ പ്രസംഗത്തില് പറഞ്ഞു.
കേരളത്തിലെ എല്ല സർവകലാശാല കാമ്പസ് ലും, കോപരെട്ടിവ് സ്റ്റോർ ലും സപ്ലിഗാഥ ലഭിക്കും എന്നു പ്രസാധകര് അറിയിച്ചു.
പുസ്തകം ഇ മെയിൽ വഴിയോ പൊസ്റ്റ് വഴിയോ കിട്ടില്ല... പത്തു നൂറു പേജുണ്ട് ഒന്ന്,രണ്ട് ജി ബി വരും...അതുകൊണ്ടാണെന്നു കഥാകൃത്ത് തന്റെ പ്രസംഗത്തില് പറഞ്ഞു.... സപ്ലി എഴുതാന് സമയം ആയതു കൊണ്ടു നന്ദി പ്രകടനം വേണ്ടെന്നുവെച്ചു.....
വേഗമാവട്ടെ!!! ദീപാവലി ഓഫർ.... ദീപാവലി പ്രമാണിച്ചു സപ്ലിഗാഥ 1 വാങ്ങുമ്പൊള് 1 ഫ്രീ...!
****ഉടന് വരുന്നു*** സ്കൂട്ടുസൈക്ലൊപീഢിയ... എഴുതിയത്: കംബി അണ്ണന്*, ഫിജി അച്ചായന് , സപ്ലിവില്ല, കേരളം....
index
* പൌര പ്രമുഖര്
എഴുതിയ പരീക്ഷകളേക്കാള് അധികം സപ്ലികളുള്ളവര്... പേരുകള് യത്ഥാര്ഥമല്ല.
*DB
കോളേജിലെ വിഖ്യാതനായ അദ്ധ്യാപകന് എസ് 3 ഇ.സി.ഇ ലാബ് പരീക്ഷ ഇദ്ദേഹത്തിന്റെ അങ്കത്തട്ടാണ്, ഇദ്ദേഹം ചതിയന് ചന്തുവും...! ചന്തുവിനെ ജയിക്കാന് ആണായിപ്പിറന്നവരില് ആരുമില്ല! ഗ്രന്ഥകര്ത്താവ് അനുഭവസ്തനാണ്.
*ആന്റണി
പൌര പ്രമുഖരിലെ പ്രമാണി. ഗ്രന്ഥകര്ത്തവിന്റെ ആത്മമിത്രം. ഏറ്റവും പ്രഗല്ഭനായ തത്വചിന്തകന് പ്ലാറ്റൊ ആണോ , വ്യാസനാണോ അല്ല ഇനി തട്ടുകട നടത്തുന്ന ചന്ദ്രേട്ടനാണോ എന്ന ചോദ്യത്തിനു ഉത്തരം കണ്ടെത്താന് വേണ്ടി സ്വയം നിയോഗിക്കപ്പെട്ടവന്.
*മനോജ്
ജന്മം കൊണ്ടല്ലെങ്കിലും കര്മ്മം കൊണ്ട് ആന്റണിയുടെ സഹോദരന്
*കംബി അണ്ണന്
ശരിയായ പേരു ജന്മം നല്കിയവര്ക്കു പോലും അറിയില്ല! ഡിപ്ലോമക്ക് പഠിക്കുമ്പോള് ഇദ്ദേഹത്തിന്റെ സ്കൂട്ട് സഹിക്കാന് വൈയ്യാതെ കോളേജില് നിന്നു പുറത്താക്കി, അതിനു പകരം വീട്ടാന് ഇദ്ദേഹം ബി ടെക്ക് ന് ചേര്ന്നു പരീക്ഷ സ്കൂട്ട് ചെയ്യാന് തുടങ്ങി. ഇദ്ദേഹത്തിന്റെ മാർക്ക് ലിസ്റ്റ്, A സർട്ടിഫിക്കറ്റ് എന്നാണു അറിയപ്പെടുന്നത്. മുഴുവനും A(bsent) മാർക്ക് ചെയ്തിരിക്കും....
*ഡിങ്കന്
തെരൊന്തോരത്തിന്റെ സ്വന്തം അപ്പി. തെരൊന്തോരമാണു പ്രപന്ജത്തിന്റെ കേന്ദ്രബിന്ധു എന്നു സ്വയം വിശ്വസിപ്പിക്കുകയും അതു സമര്ത്ഥിക്കാനുള്ള പരാക്രമങ്ങള്ക്കിടയില് പരീക്ഷ എഴുതാന് മറന്നു പോവുകയും ചെയ്യുന്നവന് ഡിങ്കന്...
ബാച്ച് ഡേ... ചില "സംഭവങ്ങള്"
ഈ കഴിഞ്ഞ ബാച്ച് ഡേയോടനുബന്ധിച്ച് സപ്ലിഗാഥ എന്ന പുസ്തകത്തിന്റെ പ്രകാശന ചടങ്ങ് സർവകലാശാല കാമ്പസ് ഇല് വച്ചു നടന്നു.
സാങ്കേതിക കാരണങ്ങള് കൊണ്ടു ഗ്രന്ഥകര്ത്താവിന്റെ പേരു വെളിപ്പെടുത്തുവാന് ഈ അവസരത്തില് കഴിയില്ല
ആന്റണി, ഡിങ്കന്, കംബിഅണ്ണന്, ജെറി എന്നി പൌര പ്രമുഖര് * ചടങ്ങില് സംബന്ദിച്ചു...
ഉദ്ദ്ഘാടനം മി.ഉധണ്ണന് (97 ബച്ച്...ഇനിയും പാസ്സൌട്ട് അയിട്ടില്ല) എക്സാം സ്കൂട്ട് ചെയ്തു കൊണ്ടു നിര്വ്വഹിച്ചു....ആദ്യ പുസ്തകം പ്രിയ (98 ബാച്ച്... ബി ടെക്ക് ഉപേക്ഷിച്ചു ബി കോം ന് ചേര്ന്ന പുണ്യവതി) സർവ്വകലാശാല വി.സി. യില് നിന്നു ഏറ്റുവാങ്ങി...
ഈ ഗ്രന്ഥം എന്ജിനിയറിങ്ങ് നു ചെരുന്നവര്ക്ക് ഒരു റെഫറന്സ് ബുക്ക് ആയി ഉപയോഗിക്കാം എന്നു അധ്യക്ഷത വഹിച്ച മി.വൈക്ലൊ (98 ബച്ച്... ഉധണ്ണന്റെ പിന്ഗാമി) അഭിപ്രായപ്പെട്ടു...
കഴിഞ്ഞ 4 വര്ഷത്തെ ഹാള് ടിക്കെറ്റുകളും മര്ക്ക് ലിസ്റ്റുകളും ബയന്റ്റ് ചെയ്തു പുസ്തകരൂപത്തില് പ്രസിദ്ദികരിക്കണം എന്നതു തന്റെ ചിരകാല അഭിലാഷമായിരുന്നു എന്നു കാഥികന് തന്റെ പ്രസംഗത്തില് പറഞ്ഞു...
എല്ലാ എക്സാം കഴിയുമ്പൊഴും മര്ക് ലിസ്റ്റ് വരുമ്പൊഴും സപ്ലിഗാഥയുടെ പുതിയ പതിപ്പ് ഇറക്കും എന്നു പ്രസാധകരായ കണ്ടോണേഷൻ ബുക്ക്സ്, കണ്ണൂർ പ്രസ്താവിച്ചു...
സപ്ലിഗാഥ വാങ്ങാത്തവരെ ഔട്ട്പുട്ട് കിട്ടിയാല് പൊലും എസ് 3 ഇ.സി.ഇ ലാബ് പാസ്സാക്കില്ലെന്നു ആശംസ പ്രസംഗത്തിനിടക്ക് DB * പറഞ്ഞതു കരഘോഷത്തൊടെയാണു സദസ്സ് എതിരേറ്റതു....
എൻട്രൻസ് എഴുതുന്നതിനു മുന്പു എല്ലാ വിദ്ദ്യാര്ഥികളും സപ്ലിഗാഥ വയിച്ചിരിക്കേണ്ടത് അത്യാവശ്യമാണെന്നു ആന്റണി അവതാരികയില് എഴുതിയതു വളരെ സത്യം ആണെന്നു മനോജ് * തന്റെ പ്രസംഗത്തില് പറഞ്ഞു.
കേരളത്തിലെ എല്ല സർവകലാശാല കാമ്പസ് ലും, കോപരെട്ടിവ് സ്റ്റോർ ലും സപ്ലിഗാഥ ലഭിക്കും എന്നു പ്രസാധകര് അറിയിച്ചു.
പുസ്തകം ഇ മെയിൽ വഴിയോ പൊസ്റ്റ് വഴിയോ കിട്ടില്ല... പത്തു നൂറു പേജുണ്ട് ഒന്ന്,രണ്ട് ജി ബി വരും...അതുകൊണ്ടാണെന്നു കഥാകൃത്ത് തന്റെ പ്രസംഗത്തില് പറഞ്ഞു.... സപ്ലി എഴുതാന് സമയം ആയതു കൊണ്ടു നന്ദി പ്രകടനം വേണ്ടെന്നുവെച്ചു.....
വേഗമാവട്ടെ!!! ദീപാവലി ഓഫർ.... ദീപാവലി പ്രമാണിച്ചു സപ്ലിഗാഥ 1 വാങ്ങുമ്പൊള് 1 ഫ്രീ...!
****ഉടന് വരുന്നു*** സ്കൂട്ടുസൈക്ലൊപീഢിയ... എഴുതിയത്: കംബി അണ്ണന്*, ഫിജി അച്ചായന് , സപ്ലിവില്ല, കേരളം....
index
* പൌര പ്രമുഖര്
എഴുതിയ പരീക്ഷകളേക്കാള് അധികം സപ്ലികളുള്ളവര്... പേരുകള് യത്ഥാര്ഥമല്ല.
*DB
കോളേജിലെ വിഖ്യാതനായ അദ്ധ്യാപകന് എസ് 3 ഇ.സി.ഇ ലാബ് പരീക്ഷ ഇദ്ദേഹത്തിന്റെ അങ്കത്തട്ടാണ്, ഇദ്ദേഹം ചതിയന് ചന്തുവും...! ചന്തുവിനെ ജയിക്കാന് ആണായിപ്പിറന്നവരില് ആരുമില്ല! ഗ്രന്ഥകര്ത്താവ് അനുഭവസ്തനാണ്.
*ആന്റണി
പൌര പ്രമുഖരിലെ പ്രമാണി. ഗ്രന്ഥകര്ത്തവിന്റെ ആത്മമിത്രം. ഏറ്റവും പ്രഗല്ഭനായ തത്വചിന്തകന് പ്ലാറ്റൊ ആണോ , വ്യാസനാണോ അല്ല ഇനി തട്ടുകട നടത്തുന്ന ചന്ദ്രേട്ടനാണോ എന്ന ചോദ്യത്തിനു ഉത്തരം കണ്ടെത്താന് വേണ്ടി സ്വയം നിയോഗിക്കപ്പെട്ടവന്.
*മനോജ്
ജന്മം കൊണ്ടല്ലെങ്കിലും കര്മ്മം കൊണ്ട് ആന്റണിയുടെ സഹോദരന്
*കംബി അണ്ണന്
ശരിയായ പേരു ജന്മം നല്കിയവര്ക്കു പോലും അറിയില്ല! ഡിപ്ലോമക്ക് പഠിക്കുമ്പോള് ഇദ്ദേഹത്തിന്റെ സ്കൂട്ട് സഹിക്കാന് വൈയ്യാതെ കോളേജില് നിന്നു പുറത്താക്കി, അതിനു പകരം വീട്ടാന് ഇദ്ദേഹം ബി ടെക്ക് ന് ചേര്ന്നു പരീക്ഷ സ്കൂട്ട് ചെയ്യാന് തുടങ്ങി. ഇദ്ദേഹത്തിന്റെ മാർക്ക് ലിസ്റ്റ്, A സർട്ടിഫിക്കറ്റ് എന്നാണു അറിയപ്പെടുന്നത്. മുഴുവനും A(bsent) മാർക്ക് ചെയ്തിരിക്കും....
*ഡിങ്കന്
തെരൊന്തോരത്തിന്റെ സ്വന്തം അപ്പി. തെരൊന്തോരമാണു പ്രപന്ജത്തിന്റെ കേന്ദ്രബിന്ധു എന്നു സ്വയം വിശ്വസിപ്പിക്കുകയും അതു സമര്ത്ഥിക്കാനുള്ള പരാക്രമങ്ങള്ക്കിടയില് പരീക്ഷ എഴുതാന് മറന്നു പോവുകയും ചെയ്യുന്നവന് ഡിങ്കന്...
Thursday, September 27, 2007
dad Becomes dad...!
Its a few years back, when I wasn't this wise...
Yeah, the much awaited 4th semester results have
come. S4 was the most dreaded semesters of all.As
expected the casualties were high in our class and I
was one of the gems in the crown! On seeing the
results our newly appointed HOD just could n't
comprehend what he was witnessing--our mark lists !
Now, the time has come for the parents to see where their
offsprings are standing! ie, outside the class or in front
of principal's room or inside the HOD's room or some other
better place???
We had dreamt of this moment from that moment when we
got the question papers ! But, parents dont have such far
sighted vision ! My case was special , as it always is! Me being the class representative, have led the class from the front in many strikes, competitions ,marches etc and emerged victorious, so its natural for me to be right there in front in results too(now front and back are relative to which direction you are looking from)
HOD summoned me and gave me a taste of his wide range of vocabulary. Also told me to bring the parent before everyone else does.
What does he think of himself %^&*$...parent is something
which we get in the co operative store next to the college
or what? At the hostel, I had just 4 days left and parents are in Calicut itself, which is comparatively near by...ohh...How
fortunate are those guys who had their parents in Andaman
and Tamil Nadu and such other places!
In near by town, there are few friends who stay in rented
house ,they said, a dad can be arranged from there and
this town has the history of providing instant dads!
A biriyaani and a packet of cigarette would fetch me a
dad!
Next day I went in search of a dad, few people were there who I knew. Alas, they were all unavailable for that week , as it was the time of Theyyam (its a popular art form)in Kannur. I didnt had the guts to lure strangers with biriyani and cigarette and they didn't had the personality of being my dad either.
Anyways I had to go home that evening for the weekend and maybe, by the time I return, I can find an oasis in the Sahara. With these thoughts I left to home.In the train, this thought struck me...Why not ask my dad himself what to do! As he is more of a friend to me. But how ??? Friends can be dangerous as well!
At home....
Son-- "Appa...don't you feel bored going to the court all these
years, you need a change once in a while..."
Dad---"Why dont you take me to a movie then ?"
Son--"oh, good idea, there is a movie show being held in
our college next week. its a result oriented movie. This
movie will make you realize the grim realities of life faced
by a class rep. "
Dad--"Have your results come?"
Son--"How did u know that!!! ?"
Dad--"You have become abnormal again!"
Son--"yes the result has come and it was capable enough
of making me abnormal. HOD has summoned the parents and as you are so busy with work I was on the look out for a dad for the last 2 days with biriyaani and cigarette"
Dad--"You parasitic nutt! if you can get me that biriyaani
at Aquarious(its a hotel famous for biriyanis in Kannur)I
can very well come"
Now,this was something which I haven't dreamt in the
weirdest of dreams. This looks more profitable also. Dad
doesn't smoke. A biriyaani alone will do. Wow !!! Such a
relief.
But mom is the threat now. She is a dangerous fellow. She hasn't really heard about red ink in the mark list, HOD, commitments of class rep. etc.
But dad said, mom can be managed with a sequence of lies.
Next day I had to go back to college. Dad was supposed to come a day after that. He said he'll be coming in the morning train telling mom that he has been called for some legal advice by the college authorities.(Dad isn't as decent as I thought him to be, what would have he been like during his college days!). Before leaving I asked him whether we need to have a plan for the HOD. He said he is not doing it for the first time!(But for the first time for his own son!)
Dad--"I have been guardian before"
Son--"What??? You had been dad before marriage!!!"
Dad--"Not dad...elder brother...that was during my college
days. There was this fortunate boy in the school nearby
who was supposed to bring his guardian to his teacher.He
offered me tickets to Clint Eastwood's movie and I became his elder brother ! I was about to bash him in front of the teacher for poor performance and that was when the teacher calmed down and held me back and allowed the boy to enter class from the next day "
Wow!!! my dad is a phenomenal genius.
But I can also expect similar special effects from dad in
front of HOD. But will the HOD hold my dad back or will he
also join the onslaught???
In the train back to college. I was thinking about my other
friends. Poor fellows, what are they going do ? Anyways ,dad will be at college next day morning itself, there is enough time for him to leave back to home.Why not help few of my friends of other branches.
Now, these other branches had different HODs. Only my HOD is gona see my dad. The entrepreneur in me arose! A milk shake after the biriyaani is always welcome.okkkaayyy...
In my room at the hostel I told two of my needy friends that dad is available and they were excited! They asked for details...Lawyer, 5 feet 9 , handsome ,good personality, vegetarian,fond of biriyaani, halwa, milkshake, masala dosa(there was a plethora of food options which I provided with a 'conditions apply' label --they had to
recharge my mobile for one month!) Wow ! quite an astute
businessman I am and dad is quite a good resource !
They agreed to the all conditions but asked me whether dad
will agree. I assured them.
So, next day morning, all set to receive dad, and there
rings my mobile. Mom at the other end. My heart started
skipping beats.
Mom--"Raj, your aunty has passed away suddenly( this
aunty is dad's elder sister settled in Calcutta and was ill for
few days then)we are leaving by the evening flight...will be
back next week, dont worry "
I was shocked...couldn't say anything...HOD, friends, biriyaani,mobile recharge,....oh aunty....you spilled water in all my plans...the tears didn't stop from my eyes...
Yeah, the much awaited 4th semester results have
come. S4 was the most dreaded semesters of all.As
expected the casualties were high in our class and I
was one of the gems in the crown! On seeing the
results our newly appointed HOD just could n't
comprehend what he was witnessing--our mark lists !
Now, the time has come for the parents to see where their
offsprings are standing! ie, outside the class or in front
of principal's room or inside the HOD's room or some other
better place???
We had dreamt of this moment from that moment when we
got the question papers ! But, parents dont have such far
sighted vision ! My case was special , as it always is! Me being the class representative, have led the class from the front in many strikes, competitions ,marches etc and emerged victorious, so its natural for me to be right there in front in results too(now front and back are relative to which direction you are looking from)
HOD summoned me and gave me a taste of his wide range of vocabulary. Also told me to bring the parent before everyone else does.
What does he think of himself %^&*$...parent is something
which we get in the co operative store next to the college
or what? At the hostel, I had just 4 days left and parents are in Calicut itself, which is comparatively near by...ohh...How
fortunate are those guys who had their parents in Andaman
and Tamil Nadu and such other places!
In near by town, there are few friends who stay in rented
house ,they said, a dad can be arranged from there and
this town has the history of providing instant dads!
A biriyaani and a packet of cigarette would fetch me a
dad!
Next day I went in search of a dad, few people were there who I knew. Alas, they were all unavailable for that week , as it was the time of Theyyam (its a popular art form)in Kannur. I didnt had the guts to lure strangers with biriyani and cigarette and they didn't had the personality of being my dad either.
Anyways I had to go home that evening for the weekend and maybe, by the time I return, I can find an oasis in the Sahara. With these thoughts I left to home.In the train, this thought struck me...Why not ask my dad himself what to do! As he is more of a friend to me. But how ??? Friends can be dangerous as well!
At home....
Son-- "Appa...don't you feel bored going to the court all these
years, you need a change once in a while..."
Dad---"Why dont you take me to a movie then ?"
Son--"oh, good idea, there is a movie show being held in
our college next week. its a result oriented movie. This
movie will make you realize the grim realities of life faced
by a class rep. "
Dad--"Have your results come?"
Son--"How did u know that!!! ?"
Dad--"You have become abnormal again!"
Son--"yes the result has come and it was capable enough
of making me abnormal. HOD has summoned the parents and as you are so busy with work I was on the look out for a dad for the last 2 days with biriyaani and cigarette"
Dad--"You parasitic nutt! if you can get me that biriyaani
at Aquarious(its a hotel famous for biriyanis in Kannur)I
can very well come"
Now,this was something which I haven't dreamt in the
weirdest of dreams. This looks more profitable also. Dad
doesn't smoke. A biriyaani alone will do. Wow !!! Such a
relief.
But mom is the threat now. She is a dangerous fellow. She hasn't really heard about red ink in the mark list, HOD, commitments of class rep. etc.
But dad said, mom can be managed with a sequence of lies.
Next day I had to go back to college. Dad was supposed to come a day after that. He said he'll be coming in the morning train telling mom that he has been called for some legal advice by the college authorities.(Dad isn't as decent as I thought him to be, what would have he been like during his college days!). Before leaving I asked him whether we need to have a plan for the HOD. He said he is not doing it for the first time!(But for the first time for his own son!)
Dad--"I have been guardian before"
Son--"What??? You had been dad before marriage!!!"
Dad--"Not dad...elder brother...that was during my college
days. There was this fortunate boy in the school nearby
who was supposed to bring his guardian to his teacher.He
offered me tickets to Clint Eastwood's movie and I became his elder brother ! I was about to bash him in front of the teacher for poor performance and that was when the teacher calmed down and held me back and allowed the boy to enter class from the next day "
Wow!!! my dad is a phenomenal genius.
But I can also expect similar special effects from dad in
front of HOD. But will the HOD hold my dad back or will he
also join the onslaught???
In the train back to college. I was thinking about my other
friends. Poor fellows, what are they going do ? Anyways ,dad will be at college next day morning itself, there is enough time for him to leave back to home.Why not help few of my friends of other branches.
Now, these other branches had different HODs. Only my HOD is gona see my dad. The entrepreneur in me arose! A milk shake after the biriyaani is always welcome.okkkaayyy...
In my room at the hostel I told two of my needy friends that dad is available and they were excited! They asked for details...Lawyer, 5 feet 9 , handsome ,good personality, vegetarian,fond of biriyaani, halwa, milkshake, masala dosa(there was a plethora of food options which I provided with a 'conditions apply' label --they had to
recharge my mobile for one month!) Wow ! quite an astute
businessman I am and dad is quite a good resource !
They agreed to the all conditions but asked me whether dad
will agree. I assured them.
So, next day morning, all set to receive dad, and there
rings my mobile. Mom at the other end. My heart started
skipping beats.
Mom--"Raj, your aunty has passed away suddenly( this
aunty is dad's elder sister settled in Calcutta and was ill for
few days then)we are leaving by the evening flight...will be
back next week, dont worry "
I was shocked...couldn't say anything...HOD, friends, biriyaani,mobile recharge,....oh aunty....you spilled water in all my plans...the tears didn't stop from my eyes...
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